German is a pretty funny language, because of its grammar. Being the most popular language in the European Union, it’s widely preached and used in the world. Similar to the other languages, German people crack jokes or witze as they call it, which are hard for foreigners to comprehend.

  1. German: Sie datchen, Esi sei frei?

English: You thought the ice was free?

Original German:

-Person: “Aber Herr Ober,der Kaffee ist ja kalt!”

– Bedienung:  “Gut, dass Sie mir das sagen, mein Herr! Eiskaffee kostet nämlich einen Euro mehr…”

 

English Translation: 

-Person: “But Waiter, the coffee is cold!”

– Waiter: “Thanks for telling me, sir! Ice coffee is one Euro more…”

 

In German restaurants, water and ice are not free as in other countries. If you need water or ice here you are required to pay a few more bucks. Hence it’s one of those jokes that foreigners find hard to understand.

 

  1. Original German:

-Person: “Hey Andrew,wie war den der Urlaub?”

– Andrew: “Gräßlich!”Im hotel hatte ich Zimmernummer hundert.Und vom Türschild ist die eins abgefallen!”

English translation:

-Person: “Hey Andrew, how was your vacation?” 

– Andrew: “Horrible! In the hotel, I had room number 100. And the 1 fell off the sign on the door.

 

In Germany, the public restrooms are marked as 00.

 

  1. Original German:

Mein hund jagte immer Leuten auf dem fahrrad hinterher, bis ich ihm das farhrrad wegnahm!

 

English Translation:

My dog used to chase after people on a bike, until I took away his bike.

 

Germans just love their dogs pretty much.

 

  1. Original German:

Ein Benzfahrer hat auf seinem beifahrersitz einen papagei sitzen und das fenster offen. Er hält an der roten ampel neben einem Ferrari. Der fahrer des Ferrari kurbelt sein fenster ebenfalls runter und fragt: “Kann der auch sprechen?”  Darauf der papagei: “Weiß ich doch nicht!”

 

 English Translation:

ABenz driver had a parrot in the passenger’s seat and his window open. He idled near a Ferrari near a red light. The driver of the Ferrari then lowered his window and asked,” Can it talk?” Responded the parrot: “I don’t really know!”

 

  1. A German and an American were constructing their homes. They agreed on a bet that whom-so-ever house will get constructed first, will win the bet. After 3 weeks, the American visited the German, and proclaimed with joy “My home has been built in 21 days”. The German simply said,” I am left with only 20 more forms to fill out and then I can get started.”

 

The paperwork required for constructing a house in Germany is quite a lot.

 

  1. Three people were sitting on a ski hut- One American, one German and one Tyrol (a city in Austria). When the American finished his glass of alcohol, he threw it in the air and shot it and exclaimed,” We Americans have so much money, that we don’t drink in the same glass even twice.” The German took it personally and he asked for a drink, drank it, threw the glass in the air, steals the gun from the American and shoots the glass and shouts,” In Germany, we also have so much money that we never have to drink from the same glass twice”. The Tyrol was impatient as he also wanted to join the band. He just steals the American’s gun and shoots the German guy, and exclaimed,” In Tyrol, there are so many Germans, that we don’t have to drink with the same one twice”.

 

Hint: Tyrol is the most popular vacation destination o the Germans for skiing and hiking. There is only the tourism industry in this area.

 

  1.  However kind you become, you will never be able to beat the German children in kindness.

Hint: In German, Children are called kinder.

 

  1. Doctor told a patient that he was about to die in 10… but the patient interrupted and asked “Only 10 more days?” The doctor said 9 seconds. The patient looked into the eyes of doctor and hurriedly asked again 10 or 9? He eventually died learning how to say NO in German.

 

  1. Once upon a time an English, one German, and an Italian died and went to heaven. There the English was given the responsibility for cracking jokes, Italian for the food and German for the law. An exact group was sentenced to hell but there the duties were interchanged. The English prepared the food, Italian looked after the law and German cracked jokes.

 

Apparently, it is believed that Germans are poor at making jokes.

 

  1. A German went to France for a vacation and is asked by an Inspector: “Occupation?”

German: “No, no, no, just visiting.”

 

  1. A German kid pushed his brother off a cliff and said to his mother” Look, mother, no Hans!” 

 

  1. Original German:
    -Kaan ein Känguru höher als ein haus springen?
    -Ja! Weil ein haus nicht springen kaan.

 

English Translation:

-Can a Kangaroo jump higher than a house?
-Yes! Because a house can’t jump.

 

  1. The pessimist sees absolute darkness in the tunnel. The optimist sees a beam of light coming from the end of the tunnel. The realist sees that the light is coming from the train. The driver sees three Germans on the tracks.

 

  1. Why Einstein couldn’t build a home for himself?
    As he only had one stone.
    Hint: Ein in German stands for one and Stein stands for stone.

 

  1. A person in a bar ordered a dry martini, but the wafter brought him three drinks.
    Hint: Drei in German is three.

 

  1. A German visited Canada and asked “Why is the Eiffel tower so tall? So you can see the white flag from Berlin?
    Hint: Germany invaded France.

 

  1. A Couple adopted a German boy. He never spoke so they got him checked by the doctor. The doctor said that he is totally fine. One day at dinner the child said” The soup’s bit cold.”
    The parents were shocked and asked, “Why didn’t you speak till now?” The boy said,” Everything had been satisfactory.”

Germans are known to be the most law-abiding.